And She is Back to Her Bloody Shit

That's right. She is back to all those dirty tricks and bloody nonsense. And this time she pushes the last straw of my patience. I always knew that one day she was going to use all her shitty nonsense with me and I was right. She has done it but without class. I am banned from going near her work station because I have the guts to say on her face that she is being unfair. I am no more invited there. I am no more welcomed there. But that's ok. That place was never my most favorite zone. But the thing that hurt the most is she banned my favorite person from talking to me. How can she even think she can do that? Who gave her the right to dictate our personal lives?

She starts a rumor that I am unhappy with my performance appraisal. I never said I was completely happy. But I also never said that I was unhappy. The only reason I was not able to show that I was happy is because I was busy being happy for a friend to think about what I was getting. Numbers and percentages never mattered to me. They still don't matter. What matters was knowing that my friend's bro achieved what he had been after for such a long time. In front of that, all numbers lose importance. But no I was portrayed as being unhappy. And then I am being portrayed as the villan who is about to spoil the company's work environment. Didn't she nod her head when I was told that I am a good person? Wasn't she the one who said that I was one person she would like to have for long time in her life? And now because I honestly tell her that I dont like something I am the enemy. What hurts the most is the person I care about is getting dragged into all this. I can't fight this bitch because it's going to hurt my favorite person and I can't do that. Maybe I should give up? Maybe I should just lay low and live an invisible life? I am used to it. I can live like I dont exist.

Like you said Crissy "Mind takes a little more time to accept what your heart already knows". Maybe its timne for me to accept that I am fighting a losing battle.

A Promise to Myself

I am the sort of person who doesn't believe in promises. I have always believed that promises raise the hopes of people to unreasonable levels. And more often than not these promises are broken and with them all those hopes and aspirations. So I dont make promises. If I can achieve something for somebody without making a promise I will do it. But I would not make a promise and then cause heartbreak because I couldn't fulfill it.

But I promised something to myself today. I promised myself that I will break somebody's heart.
 
When the whole insulting drama was going on I wanted to lash out. But then I held myself back because I knew it had repurcussions. And they were certainly not good. The game is becoming dirtier day by day.  They played around with my mind. They tried to make me choose sides. They even tried to poison my thinking process. But by God's grace I am not so easily swayed. I take my time and make my own opinions about people. So I did.  I made my opinions about people. And it didn't go down very well.

The thing is I can take only certain level of nonsense and my tolerance levels are very low for people who dish out nonsense. I avoid being around such people. And once they cross the limit, I just become brutally honest with them and ask them to shut up. That's what I did. And who ends up paying? People I care about. They target the ego of the people I value. I know they are strong enough to handle it gracefully. But what makes me really sad is that I have to swallow the bitter pill and stand there as a mute spectator while they go through all the drama.

And now I can't manage to stand in front of them because I doubt that my presence may remind them of the insult they faced. I might make them relive the bad memory. But I have promised myself that one day I will stand there in front of this person and tell them that the one who insulted them is facing the same treatment. And I will make sure that its equally bad. Then probably I will stop feeling this pinch.

Respect - Not Easy to Earn

Every person in this world is an individual which means a self sustaining unit in and of itself. We all have our goods and bads. We all are winners in some aspects and losers in some other. But whether a winner or a loser we all ought to be respected for who we are, for without losers around, winners dont have any importance.

I just happened to witness an incident today where somebody got yelled at badly for making one small insignificant mistake. If this person wished they could have very easily fought back and insulted the one who was trying to show off. But rather this person chose to hold their tongue and get on with life. Why did this person not fight back? Why did they swallow the bitter pill and give this bully the satisfaction of even smirking? That's because this person has a lot more grace than the bully. What this person did was respect the individual in this bully and chose not to insult it by giving a nasty reply.

On the other hand what this bully ended up doing was lose their stand and respect in the eyes of the people who witnessed the whole scene. All those eyes who saw what happened and all those ears who heard the mean words had only one thing going through their heads - what a meanie. But the person who chose to smile through all this nonsense melted the hearts of a lot of people and won them over.

That's what happens. We believe that the one who does the bullying is the stronger one. But no, I dont think so. I believe it's far more difficult to stand in the face of adversity and maintain graceful silence. If I had been in this person's position I for sure would have shot back equally nasty comments. But not this person. This one chose to stay silent and do the difficult thing instead of taking the easy way out. Now that's ought to be respected.

Expectations - Hard to Handle

So the topic seems to be self explanatory - me complaining about expectations that other people have from me and how I am struggling to live up to them. But that's not the thing. When I say expectations I dont mean the expectations other people have of me. It's the expectations I have of me and from the people.

We all tend to want some things in life. But then how much to want is that I want to know. I am not denying that I get enough. What I am trying to say is that despite knowing that I get enough I can't stop wanting more. And the problem begins when I get that "more" and then I long for "some more". Where do I stop? How do I settle with what I have and stop wanting that little bit extra? It's hard.

So how much to expect and how much to settle for? Has anybody been able to figure this out? Well if he / she has then I would say they are godly humans. Because I stay true to my human nature and keep longing for that "little bit more".

And the Power is Back

Yeah that's right. The power is back and with it all the blinding smiles. Guys put on your sunglasses coz we are smiling and smiling wide.

So it has been a mixed day so far for me. I start the day with uncertainities, then have a good lunch session with a friend, come back and land up in a crisis situation, have a brain picking meeting with boss, and then end the day being philosophical. The thing is a friend of mine is getting married and has started feeling the nervous jitters. Now I might not know a whole lot about marriage. But yes I do know a lot about self doubt.

There have been times in my life where I have worked damn hard for something. But then when I get close to achieving it I very unceremoniously step back. Not because I don't want it anymore. But because I can't believe that I am finally getting it. It just becomes too good to be true. And with it comes the uncertainty of what next. I get scared of the fact that I finally did it. At times I pinch myself to remind me that its finally happening. It's right there in front of me. I just have to take a step ahead and embrace it. But that final step becomes too heavy for me.

My friend today went through the same phase. He can't believe that he is finally getting married to his beloved. He can't believe that their struggle is over and the good days are sneaking up to them. But what I have learned from life is that every time you are afraid to take that final step stop and take a deep breath because you are finally getting what you have always deserved. If it was not meant for you then you would have never reached this far. It's your heart's way of telling you that yes take that final step and claim what's always been yours. So my friend,  you know who you are, go ahead she is waiting for you.

Didn't Know I Had It in Me

Whew!!! i never thought the candle I set burning on this blog would burn down the wiring of my house! Never in my wildest imagination had I imagined that the spark I talked about would coincide with the short circuit sparK and ultimately a small fire at my hosue. But that's true. It happened. Had a major voltage fluctuation and boom - there goes my electrical circuit. A small fire, a worried group of girls, and a clueless lady - I had a lot of things on my plate.

And then the electrician doesn't show up. I can't take a day off and the electrician can't make it a working day. We try to work with the fuse and shut one phase down and put the other two up but nope it doesn't work. We once again have smoke and fire coming out of the main board itself.

So we end up stuck in this situation where we have no power at home for more than 24 hours. And here's the bummer. The city all of a sudden seems to run out of candles!!! Seems like a big godly conspiracy against us but we can't find a decent candle. So all of us bring birthday candles and try to bring some light into our dark lives.

We are unable to cook since we have induction range at home which is again power operated. But no worries on that front. We have a lot of subways and udupis around here to sustain us. At least I can certainly survive for a day or two on these. I have already worked out a plan to get another electrician home today. Let's see how it works. Or else we still have those birthday candles to use!

So there we are - it starts with a candle and ends with a candle.

Here We Start Our Journey

Beware!!! The Whistling Buddies has arrived with high headed opinions about anything and everything in this world. We have our own set of skewed ideas of things and we are not scared to talk about them. We do not belong to the herd mentality - we have what we call "the third mentality". So keep checking us out to see how we take on this world almost every day without any regrets.

They say a spark in one person can light up the fire in a generation. We have the fire burning within us. Let's see where it takes us.