Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Vacuum

The senses of a poet go long ways than any other human being. A poet will  be able to hear what was never said and will be able to feel what was never shown. But the poet within me has started to feel the vacuum. He wants to get lost in oblivion.


na kisiki talash ho na kisika intezaar ho
meri zindagi bhi kuchh aisi hi abtaar ho

na rishto ka khichav ho na apno se lagaav ho
sunn pade zehen mein na kisike liye pyaar ho

koi bhi baat kehne ki dil mein bechaini na ho
na koi aur mujhe sun ne ke liye bekaraar ho

na meri koi pehchaan ho na meri koi yaad ho
gumnaam mera wajood benaam meri mazaar ho

chahu to bhi ruk na saku main saans lene ke liye
meri soch jitni hi mere kadamo ki raftaar ho

na koi mera qatil ho na koi mera masiha bane
dua karne ke liye bhi na koi parwar digaar ho

jane woh kaunsi baat thi jisne use tabah kiya
mujhe lekar yahi sawaal sabko baar baar ho



Monday, 23 April 2012

Where Do You See Yourself When 40?

Well a lot of people have been dreaming absurd dreams about where I would be in my life when I turn 50 or my hair go gray. On top of that they are sharing these ideas which is so not a good thing. I am being questioned. But the thing is it got me thinking. I thought where do I really want to end up in life? Do I see myself as a married spouse, as a devoted parent, as a hardcore professional - what?
I closed my eyes and what I saw was this:


I see myself carrying a rucksack on my shoulder, traveling from one place to the other. Maybe its the freedom, maybe its the anonymity, maybe its not knowing where I will land up, maybe its the certainity that I will land up somewhere - whatever it is I feel a longing for it.

I want to just pack my bag, get my laptop, and start moving around. I want to wander around like a lost soul. I want to see new places. I want to meet different people. I want to hear their stories. I want to sing in their joys and cry in their sorrows - all without any attachments. But most of all I want to capture all my experiences in my laptop and maybe someday release a book.
I want to give meaning to words through silence.

Friday, 13 April 2012

Nostalgia

Humare baad ab mehfil mein afsaane baya honge
Bahare humko dhundhegi na jaane hum kaha honge......

Lata Mangeshkar sang it beautifully. And then I found this piece by Muzarrat Nasir. The gist is about how you will miss me one day when I am no longer there.


The message is clear. Good things and people are never appreciated as long as they are there. Their absence brings out their true value. So today I ask myself few basic questions.

1) What was I doing : I was focusing more on her happiness and dignity than mine.
2) For whom was I doing it : For someone who didn't have the time for me.
3) What difference did it make : I lost respect for myself. And now I hate myself for it.
4) What happens now : We move on as if nothing ever existed.
5) What did I learn : Never trust innocence.

 It's not worth it. We were not worth it.

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

And I am Still Waiting

I am such a fool. My friends are right. I jump onto the bandwagon without really thinking or paying attention to details. I am probably losing my mind. But what can I say. Not her fault - not my fault.

kafi nazare dekhe hai ab yeh bhi manzar dekhenge
kaha tak seene mein gadhta hai uska khanjar dekhenge

chhoti chhoti baaton se badi umeedein jodi thi
ab badi batoon se chhoti si umeed rakhkar dekhenge


uska faisla hoga aane ya na aane ka
hum har faisle par apna jhukake sar dekhenge

jabse uski khabar mili hai darwaza khol ke baithe hai
kab tak aata hai ab woh musafir ghar dekhenge

thoda sa to woh bhi jud chuka hai hamari zindagi se
kab tak nahi hota hai is khichav ka asar dekhenge


.......and the clock is still ticking.